Saturday, June 15, 2019

Kid Logic

  A #fotoflash entry for Donna McNicol's challenge

"Mom, are you taking me swimming on the beach here this afternoon like you promised?"

"Yes, dear. But first, just look at this beautiful lake. Isn't it pretty?"

"Can't we go swimming now?"

"A little later.  Oh, look! There's grandpa fishing in that boat over there."

"I see him. He's holding up a big fish."

"Yes, he is. That'll be our dinner tonight."

"The fish we eat looks like that? It's alive and pretty."

"Yes, dear. But it tastes good, right?"

"I don't think I'm going to eat fish anymore.  Mom, do fish pee and poo in the water?"

"Of course."

"Mom, I changed my mind. I don't want to go swimming in the fish's toilet this afternoon."

Friday, June 7, 2019

Life's Lessons Part II

  A #fotoflash entry for Donna McNicol's challenge

"Dad, how much farther?"

"Son, the sign said that the waterfall was a half mile down this trail."

"But, Dad, I'm tired of walking."

"Suck it up, Bud. If you are quiet, you'll be able to hear the falls."

"Daaaadddd, how much farther?"

"Shhhh. Do you hear it?"

"Yeah, I do hear something."

"Look, Son. There's the waterfall. Isn't it pretty?"

"It's just a bunch of water falling. I walked all the way here to see THAT?"

"Yes. It's so peaceful in the woods."

"Dad, no it isn't. The water makes noise."

Dad sighs.

"Dad, I have to go to the toilet."

"Can't you wait until we get back to the toilets at the trailhead?"

"No, Dad.  I need to go real bad."

"So, step behind that bush and pee."

"Okay, Dad."


"Son, are you done?"

"No, Dad.  I can't pee if I hear water running. Turn the water off please."

Friday, May 31, 2019

Life's Lessons

  A #fotoflash entry for Donna McNicol's challenge

I firmly believe that everyone does dumb, stupid, dangerous shit when they are in their early twenties. My niece is certainly no exception.

She had left our family vacation rental at the beach in the early evening and gone to a beach party bonfire.

She had not returned.

Fearing the worse, I took my trusty drone with me and trudged down to the beach to look for her.

I found the bonfire ashes and a case of empty beer cans only. Sighing, I put the drone in the air.

With me watching the drone's camera remotely on my iPad, I scanned the beach and surrounding sand dunes. No luck.

Going farther afield, I scanned a nearby seawall walkway.  THERE SHE IS!

I zoomed in and could see she still had her bathing suit on and that she was breathing and had her hands over her eyes to shield the sun.

Perhaps it was time for one of life's lessons.

I brought the drone back and picked up a bag of popcorn that was laying slightly hidden in the trash by the old bonfire.  Hmmm.  Popcorn is light in weight.

I had jury rigged a bomb drop contraption to my drone so I could drop small water balloons on my buddies. Perfect. I attached the bag of popcorn to the drone. Flew it back over my niece and let the popcorn drop.  Bullseye!

Waking up with a bad hangover and a hundred hungry sea gulls dive bombing you should teach a good life's lesson.

She struggled into the house an hour later. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was covered in sea gull bird poop.

"I will never drink again!"

I smiled. Been there; done that. I didn't stop doing stupid shit until I hit my thirties. Unfortunately, I would bet she won't either.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Hello, American Cowboy

A #fotoflash entry for Donna McNicol's challenge

As an admitted Francophile, I try to spend at least a couple weeks in France each year. I love the country, the food, the wine, the people and the culture. This year my destination was Nice,

I have dressed western since I was a kid and had horses and ponies. I just feel comfortable in jeans, a western snap shirt, a cowboy hat and boots.  It's not the attire that one sees in France often. (Although an amazing number of guys do wear cowboy boots.)

I was exploring Old Town in Nice and happened upon a narrow alley and decided to investigate.  As I was slowly meandering up the alley and taking a couple of photos of the unique buildings, someone softly said, "Hello, American cowboy. Are you lost?"

Standing in a doorway was a pretty, local girl who appeared to be in her twenties. Since the French typically speak two or three languages, I wasn't surprised by the comment in English.

"No, I'm not lost. I am just exploring Old Town and found this alley intriguing."

"It is special to me," she said, "since it is our home. I live with my grandmother here in the old family apartment."

I smiled and said, "Please give my regards to your grandmother. She has a very nice granddaughter."

"You are most kind, Mr. Cowboy. She is not well and I am her -- how do you say it? -- caregiver. Would you do me a big favor and come in and say hello to her. She is a big fan of western movies and it would mean a lot to her."

I wasn't sure if this was just a robbery setup, but the girl seemed sincere. "Okay. My name is Carson. What's your name?"

Claudine. I was named after Claudine Longet." she replied. She turned and went into the ground floor apartment. I followed. It was a small, neat apartment.She said to her grandmother in French, "Mama, this is an American cowboy, Mr. Carson, he came to say hello."

Mama looked me over from head to toe. In a cross, rapid-fire burst of French, she said, "Claudine, don't you dare to even think about dating an American cowboy!"  

I started laughing. They both looked confused. In perfect French, I said, "Claudine, you never thought to ask me if I spoke French."

Friday, April 27, 2018

A to XYZ

Have you ever watched a child learning and reciting their ABC's?  They start out a bit slow and hesitant. In the middle, they gain confidence and hit a certain cadence. Then at the end, they rush the XYZ all together as they laugh and clap that they managed to finish.

That perfectly describes me in this year's A-Z Challenge.

And, I am going to rush the XYZ ending all in one breath, er, post, and laugh and clap that I finished it. Albeit, by cheating and ending early.

I actually had some ideas for X and for Y and for Z, but they weren't great and I didn't want to bore you. Or at least, I didn't want to bore you any more than I have with the other 23 letter posts thus far.

What were my XYZ ideas?

X could have stood for eXchange.  Like in the Toastmasters SEX Teams.  One club sends a Speaker and an Evaluator to another club as an eXchange.  Fun acronym guaranteed to have people read an article in a newsletter if you use it in the title.

Y could have stood for Yesterday. One of my profound observations has been that "Today becomes Yesterday Tomorrow".

Z could have stood for Zonk. As in, D.C. is Zonked Out!  Bet you are too. So enjoy your long weekend without hunting for my posts.

Many thanks to those who followed my A-Z Challenge odyssey and  left comments or clicked Like on the Facebook blurbs. This two-legged jackass appreciates it.  (See J is for Jackass)

Thursday, April 26, 2018

W is for Why?

It only has three letters, but "why" carries a lot of weight.

Is there anyone who hasn't at one time or other looked up in the sky and uttered, "Why me, Lord?"

Only to hear a booming voice say, "Why not you?"

Going back in time to when my kids were toddlers, I often lamented ever teaching them to say "why".

You know the drill...

"Why can't I go outside to play?"

"Because it is raining, dear."

"Why is it raining?"

"Because there are dark clouds outside."

"Why are there dark clouds outside?"

"Because there is a storm."

"Why is there a storm?"

"A cold front is coming through."

"Why can't I go outside?"


Why do I suspect that I'm not the only one to get tied up in "why knots" with youngsters?

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

V is for Valentine's Gifts

What do you give as a Valentine's gift when you are poor?

My birthday is in mid November.  I just counted months backwards from that.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9

Gosh, now I know what my dad gave my mom for Valentine's Day in 1939!